The Glittering Empress: Commentary
by Mallowheart
Summary: Welcome everybody, and get ready to read Empress Tansy's amazingly horrible trollfic, The Glittering Empress, with my comments! If you really want to endure the awfullness (which I'm sure you do) then click right here and brace yourself for a story even worse than xdarkrosesx's infamous Starkit's Prophecy! Please note that this is a TROLLFIC, and is meant to be be this horrible.
1. Alligences and Prolouge

**Okay, so, I have decided to do a commentry on Empress Tansy's trollfic, The Glittering Empress! Please note that this is a trollfic, and Empress Tansy is an awesome writer who can write awesome stories, and I'm only doing this for fun. I don't mean to offend anyone by doing this, and if you're reading this, Empress Tansy, and don't like it please just tell me and I will take it down immediatly. So, get ready to read and enjoy the awfullness, and any injuries or deaths that are a result of reading this story are your fault, not mine.**

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The Glittering Empress

Allegiances

PerfectClan 

Leader: Moralstar- black tom

Deputy: Goodheart- ginger she-ca

Medicine Cat: Doctorwho **(Doctor Who has been reincarnated as a cat!)**- dark brown tom

Warriors:

Firestorm- boring (**Boring?)** tortoiseshell he-cat** (He-cat? Do you mean a tom, or did you just misspell she-cat? Well, I guess Firestorm's gender is pretty much unknown then...)**

Wildflame- boring ginger tom

Hopevegetable **(Vegetable?) **- gray she-cat

Sunmuffin **(MUFFIN?) -** ginger she-cat

Blueberry- dark blue-gray she-cat

Ashphone **(This is going too far...) **- dark gray tom

Vitaminheart **(*sighs*) **- white tom

Tacobreath **(This guy must eat a lot of tacos) **- cream-collored mot

Apprentices:

Sandpaw- boring ginger she-cat

Dictionarypaw **(He's a dictionary! Everybody, let's look up words on him!) **- brown and white tom

Netflixpaw **(I'll bet you she's a couch potato...) **- read she-cat **(What, do you want me to read her? Like I read Dictionarypaw?)**

Nerdpaw- boring blueish tom

Queens:

Cinderclaw- boring silver she-cat (mother of Basketballkit **(Ooooh...a basket ball...everybody, let's play!) **- orange tom and Elephantkit- gray tom)

Sparkledawn- ginger se- kat (mother of Jaykit- gray tom and Tattletalekit **(What a tattle tale) **- brown she-cat)

Majesticexcellency- beautiful golden tabby with crown-shaped markings on her hed **(She has WHAT on her head?)** and brillian greed eyes (mother of Empresskit- gorgeous pale pink fur with golden star-shaped spots and rainbow eyes **(Rainbow eyes. Great.)** and Dumbkit- dumb boring brown to)

MeanClan

Leader: Hopestar- ugly black mot

Deputy: Weirdlookingface **(Who names their kit Wierdlookingkit?) **- brown she-ca with a werd-luking face

Medicine cat: Herbmouth **(Perfect name for a medicine cat) **- green she-ca

Warriors:

Meaniehead- mean ugly tom

Bossyleaf- bossy ginger she-cat

Snowwhite- white she-cat

Grayfoot- boring tom with gray paws

Lilybeauty- purple tom **(He's a TOM?)**

Tigertail- black and white tom

Princessheart- brown and white tom **(I feel so sorry for this guy)**

Disneychannelisawesomeheart **(Is there any chance that she might like Disney Channel? Just wondering) **- purple she-cat

Apprentices:

Evilpaw- possibly evil red tom

Nicepaw- possibly nice white she-cat

Queens:

Roseugly- yellow and black she-cat (mother of rodentki- black tom and ididn'twantkitskit **(What a nice mother) **- rejected she-kit)

Tansyheart- boring slender ginger she-cat with green eyes (mother of Starkit **(STARKIT RETURNS! 0.0) **and Mallowkit- long-furred black she-cats with white chests and amber eyes)

Prologue

A starry cat looked into a pol. Anudder **(An udder?)** starry cat asked "Wut is it?"

"A prophecy!" the first starry cat sed. "Out of the dumb stuff, a glittering empress will come and get rid of the dumb and mean stuff!" **(That prophecy is even worse than xdarkrosesx's)**

"It's about Empresskit!" the second starry cat exclaimed. **(Really?)**

The first starry cat nodded. "Empresskit will be the savor of the Clans, **(The Clans will savour her?) **Firestar. **(What is Firestar doing here? If these are OC Clans, that would mean that Firestar doesn't even exist in this story...) **We will need to guide her and make sure everyone knows that she is perfect!" **(Great. Just great.)**

"She will be the best leader the Clans have ever seen someday!" Firestar meowed. "Thank you for seeing dis profecy, Bluestar."

Bullstar **(A bull? Where?)** nodded. "An Empress alone will save PerfectClan."

"I'll teel Doctorwho," Firtsar meowed, walking away from the pool.


	2. Chapter 1

Chapter 1: The Ceremony

"Empresskit, wake up!" Empresskit woke up. She was tired. She was sleepy. **(You already established that)**

"Empresskit, wake up!" Majesticexcellency sed again. "You have to awake now. Today is important!"

Suudenly, Empresskit was very wake. She remememberd what today was! Today she would become an apprentice today! **(You already said today. No need to say it again)**

"My beautiful, gorgeous, wonderful, perfect kit, I don't know why you have to become an apprentice," **(Such an encouraging mother...)** her mom continued. "You're too perfect already. Moralstar shuld just make you a warrior." **(Oh.)**

"Thank u, mama." Empresskit mewed.

Dumbkit sat up. "What about me?"

Majesticexcellency looked away from her son. "You're not beautiful, gorgeous, or wonderful. You're too dumb to be an apprentice." **(Well, that's hardly very nice. You should love ****_all _****your kits)**

"I'm not dumb," the boring borwn tom sad **(He has a right to be sad)**. "I'm very smart."

"You are not as smart as your sister," mom cat sed.

Empresskit nodded. "I am very smart."

Dumbkit glared. "At least I'm normal looking. If I had pink fur with stars in it and rainbow eyes, I'd be sick!" **(Truer words were never spoken)**

"That's so mean!" empresskti cried. "Don't be a meanie! You have to be nice!" **Your mother is the mean one!)**

Majesticexceellency nodded. "Just for that, OI'm telling Moralstar to delay your ceremony, Dumbkit." **(WHAT? I hate this cat!)**

Empresskit bounced out of the nursery. Her brother had gotten in trouble! **(You're happy that your brother got into trouble? You are mean, not Dumbkit!)** Now he would learn his lesson and be a nice cat!

"Empresspaw, come here its tim **(Who's Tim?) **for your ceremony!" moralstar mewled from the tree stump.

Empresskit walked over to the stump as the entire clan started cheering for her.

Moralstar began the cermony. "Empresskit, you are so beaitful and awesome and because of that I will mentor yu." **(That isn't really how ceremonies are supposed to go...)**

"Wow!" Majesticexcellency gasped. "My Daddy's going to mentor my perfect daughter!"

Empresspaw beamed with joy. The good and moral leader was her mentor! **(Firestar is supposed to be the good and moral one!)** He was not only good and moral, but also hot! **(WHAT?) **She'd had a crush on him forever and now she's get to spend every day wit him! **(Okay, hold on a second here. You've only just become an apprentice and now you're in love with you're leader?)**

But den **(What does a den have anything to do with this?)**, Doctorwho the medicine cat came up to her. "Empresspaw, there is a porpoise. **(There's a porpoise? Oooooookay...)** It ses 'Out of the dumb stuff, a glittering empress will come and get rid of the dumb and mean stuff'!" **(Porpoises don't speak cat! Or has Doctorwho been learning the language of porpoise in secret?)**

"I don't understood!" Empresspaw cried. "What does it mean?" **(So much for you being smart)**


	3. Chapter 3, which is really Chapter 2

Chapter 3 **(What about chapter 2?) **

The Battle with MeanClan

Empresspaw waltzed **(Where'd she learn to dance?)** to the apprentice's den, where Nerdpaw, Netflixpaw, and Dictionarypaw were sleeping. She looked at the handsomest one. "Hey, Nerdpaw, let's go on a patrol!" **(Nerdpaw is handsome?)**

"Okay!" Nerdpaw mewd. He got up and kissed her. **(Cats can't kiss)**"You're so hot. I know you love me even more than Moralstar." **(This story is killing me)**

"I love both of you," Empresspaw meowed. They went out of the den. Moralstar came up to them. "Wear are you going with my apprentice?" he hissed.

Nerdpaw glared at him. "We're going on patrol. She's going to be my mate."

"No!" Moralstar sed. "She's going to be my mate!"

"I love her more!"

"No! I do!"

Empresspaw stared at the toms. "It's okay. I'll be both of your mates."

Moralstar nodded. "Okay. That seems fair."

"Yes. Sharing is caring," Nerdpaw added.

The too cats walked to the entrance to the camp, but then MeanClan! **(But then MeanClan what?) **They came into PerfectClan attacking! There was Hopestar and Weirdlookingface and Meaniehead and Bossyleaf and Snowwhite and Princessheart and Disneychannelisawesomeheart and Nicepaw and Evilpaw! MeanClan was being Mean! **(Surprise, surprise)**

Empresspaw was socked **(What, did someone stuff a sock in her mouth? Good.)**. She was shocked and anry! How could MeanClan attak her Clan? PerfectClan was prefect in every way! **(Oh, really?) **They were te nice cats. She jumped on Princessheart and stratched him. Blood squirted out and he ran away in fear. **(He wouldn't run away just because she scratched him, you know) **_Wow, Imma good fighter!__**(Actually, you're not)**_Empresspaw thought. Then she jumped on Hopestar and scratched his nose! He cried out in pain.

"PerfectClan, you have defeated me!" **(Because one puny apprentice scratched his nose? It doesn't take much to defeat this guy) **Hopestar meowed. "You stupid Clan have beat me- the best leader in MeanClan history! How could you do this to me? We'll be back!" Then he and the rest of MeanC;an went hom.

But then! Empresspaw saw sumthing! It was Dumbkit and Nicepaw! They were kissing! **(*sigh* I told you, cats can't kiss!)**

_**(A/N: wusnt dat gud? I did a cliffhanger! Dat proves Im a good author! **__**(No it doesn't)**_


End file.
